What Happens to the Disciple When the Guru Falls?
BY: SATYA DASA
Sep 03, MANCHESTER, UK (SUN) — The following is a letter I recently received from a friend, which I felt was very pertinent to present day ISKCON. I have omitted the devotee's name.
"To the devotees,
I am an ex-disciple of Harikesa Swami. Recently I have been studying various cases of fallen gurus and have realized that there is little information given, in this regard, from the standpoint of the disciple. Personally I feel it is very important to hear about the impact that losing one's guru has upon us, the disciple.
I recall the day we heard the news that Harikesa was acting inappropriately. Firstly there was complete confusion with a lot of conflicting information. If you had known Harikesa as we knew him at that time, you would understand that his fall down was unbelievable, if not impossible. At first I didn't even bother telling my wife. I new that all these false rumors, were just the work of some envious people. I had experienced such rumors before. But as more information came to light I went to my wife with the news. To be completely honest we were both totally devastated. My wife just cried, even in front of our children. I didn't really know what to say or how to give her any solace. In the past I had prayed to my beloved Guru Maharaja for help in such difficult times. For days we held onto the hope that somehow or other this was all a big mistake.
Before I accepted Harikesa Swami as my gurudev, I had heard of other gurus falling down. But I felt total conviction when I approached Harikesa. He had such a unique way of presenting Krishna consciousness, with such intelligence and conviction. He could really appeal to young people, pointing out the realities of material illusion and the pitfall of chasing after the opposite sex. He could smash you and leave you laughing at your own stupidity. He also inspired all of us to preach, and especially to distribute Srila Prabhupada's transcendental books. Many of his disciples were among the biggest book distributors in the world. Personally I saw Harikesa preach to many people with such patience and compassion. To us, his disciples, he was our life and soul. Thus it was very difficult for us to give up that attachment.
But finally we had to accept the facts. That person to whom we had given our hearts, our devotion, prayers, service, and even our money had cheated us. Gradually our grief turned to aguish, frustration and finally anger.
In the material world when you discover that someone you trusted has cheated on you, say your partner for example, it can be very bewildering, especially if you feel you haven't done anything wrong in that relationship. It really hurts. But when that person is your spiritual farther, your well wishing friend and guide, your worshipable Lord and Master! The pain is felt a million fold.
I remember my children asking why I was taking down the many pictures of Harikesa that hung on our walls. Even my wife's sister noticed. In fact, in time, many of our family and friends would ask about our "Guru". And even today people ask me how I got my name. The whole experience has been very difficult to deal with. In the meantime we keep hearing how Harikesa is off spending the money and living it up with his new wife, speaking against Srila Prabhupada and speaking all sorts of deviant philosophies.
Our personal spiritual lives also suffered, as did many of our godbrothers and sisters. My poor wife's especially. She had such implicit faith in our beloved Gurudev. But gradually she starting becoming really despondent and her sadhana slackened. For the first time since we had met (20 Years) she stopped chanting her rounds.
We kept hearing crazy stories of our godbrothers and sisters running off with money, falling down, leaving the movement. Some of them were continuing to worship Harikesa (which really amazed us) and there was a lot of fighting over that.
Finally my wife told me that she didn't want to have anything further to do with the Krishna Consciousness Movement and taking our children with her, she left me. She is still a devotee but very compromised in her practices. So now I have to figure out if I'm going to join her and my family in that compromised situation or stay strict and alone. It is difficult to know where to go from here. It is difficult to turn to any spiritual leader with trust.
So that person whom we once turned to for shelter, guidance and inspiration in our spiritual lives has done quit the opposite. Instead of instilling in us faith in Lord Krishna (which is the foremost duty of the spiritual master), he has crushed our faith. I know that he has become like a wedge in the heart of my wife, between her and Lord Krishna.
To be honest my only shelter is Srila Prabhupada, it seems that he is the only person we can really place our complete faith in.
Your servant,"
