HasyaMukhi.com (Part Two)
BY: HASYA MUKHI DEVI DASI
Jul 14, 2012 USA (SUN) Well, goodness gracious me, I just might have bitten off more than I can chew with my proposed website. After all, maybe ISKCON News does provide the most comprehensive and cutting edge glimpse of the full nectarine that responsible devotees need. And I mean, the essence required for pushing on the sankirtan movement. I just came from their site and was astounded at the vast assortment of pertinent articles that our GBC Minister of Information, His Grace Shriman Anuttama das Prabhu, feels are essential for the spiritual equilibrium of ISKCON's rank and file like you. Here from today's issue of ISKCON News' World section are some of those vital messages:
Essay Contest for Young Hindu Americans
The Five Best Summertime Detox Beverages
Finding Some Principles by Telling Some Lies: Vikram Gandhi's ‘Kumaré: The True Story of a False Prophet'
Sistine Chapel Choir And Westminster Abbey Choir Join For Special Mass At Vatican
My oh my, that will be a hard act to follow. Well, maybe we could do something about Hillary Clinton doing Namaste or some Hollywood actress' Hindu marriage. So be that as it may be, Prabhus, here are more intended articles that we would like to see published on our proposed website.
THE SOCIOLOGICAL VALUE OF THE CHURCH GROUP AS A MEANS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL MUTUAL SUPPORT FOR INCREASED PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT AND WORLD BETTERMENT – This article should be written in college-ese speak—like some of the theological articles on ISKCON News—to impress the reader that you are really smart and know what you are talking about. This thesis should emphasize the emotional value of organized religious structures and should give examples of human support like holding hands at sunset, playing healthy sports together like volleyball, enjoying group yoga at church picnics, etc. Furthermore, it must further the policies of ISKCON's "academic gurus", who send their submissive disciples off to college for more than a half dozen years so that they can tout their degrees before potential bosses and grovel before them for a job. It must dilate upon how a useful member of ISKCON can simultaneously be a practicing interfaith academic karmi while maintaining his or her status as a part-time or weekend devotee. (Min. 128,000 words)
His Holiness Prahladananda Swami teaches ISKCON Yoga in Austraila
BISHOPS, POPES AND ISKCON GURUS – This will be an article about achievement. The author should research how it took the Catholic Church thousands of years to become, well, the Catholic Church. Yet through using superior intelligence and foresight, ISKCON's stoic leadership has created the very model of the Catholic Church in only one generation. One of the major differences is that whereas the Catholics observe Mass, ISKCON celebrates Mass Exodus due to the rigid leadership of its GBC.
ZONALISM IS ALIVE AND WELL – Shrila Prabhupada says that just as a secretary longs to take over the seat he serves, so Mayavadis pretend to serve the Lord, though they really want to steal His position. That's remarkably similar to what ISKCON witnessed with the advent of Zonal Acharya-ism and the eleven temporary divine manifestations (ETDM's). This article should explain the brilliant and shrewd business tactics of ISKCON today's intrepid leaders who have developed their own elite fiefdoms with huge bank accounts, personal business interests and charities registered in their own names in pursuance of the original policies enacted by those very ETDM's—all for the benefit of the suffering world, of course.
MY FREE FORTY YEAR VACATION – Over the next few years some of our stalwart GBC's will be approaching a real milestone: four decades of the good life. And HasyaMukhi.com will be right alongside each one of them to help them celebrate it. This series of articles will include interviews by yours truly with our intrepid leaders who will disclose a few of their secret managerial skills. Never-before revealed techniques like how you can get other people to pay for your free air fare all over the world, to meet you at the airport, to cook and clean for you, to massage you and then write books and poems about you. And as a reward, all you have to do is just give your faithful votaries nothing in return (except high interest rate loans or your used socks).
WE'VE HEARD ENOUGH! – This article will address a certain ISKCON sannyasi who actually has the temerity to find fault with the policies that our Gleeful Benevolent Companions still promote to this day, which he claims are all mostly subtle perversions of Zonal Acharya-ism. Enough is enough! We cannot tolerate any further criticism by whippersnappers of our Greatly Beloved Chiefs who have dedicated every second of their very lives to receiving the free service and worship of others.