BY: HASYA MUKHI DEVI DASI
Jul 13, 2012 USA (SUN) Announcing HasyaMukhi.com, soon-to-be ISKCON's most popular website (due to my ultra-liberal, free-thinking, yet highly opinionated and totalitarian perspective). My goodness me, I've always wanted to be an Editor. And I figure that if the Editor of ISKCON News can produce a movie about Krishna as some adorable Hindu god, then that certainly gives credence to any idle speculation that yours truly can come up with.
Why, heck, if the Editor of Chakra.com can publicize a book that is written about the devotion of the third sex, then what do I require? And if PrabhupadaVision.com can bundle any amount of wild imitation gobbledegook together and mix it with their own crass inventions and concealed Ritvikism, then how hard can it be to run a website?
So come all ye faithful and write for HasyaMukhi.com, because our the success will depend upon you, our cherished contributors. But you'd better prepare yourselves to agree with me, or else. Below is a list of articles that I now propose to run. (And if some themes sound just a bit familiar it might be because they are mostly based upon some of the most popular literary masterpieces on the sites of my competition.)
GBC KICKS BUTT -- This article should show the dynamic means by which ISKCON GBC members have succeeded in matters of not only tirelessly expanding their living quarters and bungalows all over the world, but it should also show the ingenious system they have developed towards superior pujari management.
MANY INAUSPICIOUS COMETS AND METEORS -- This article will follow closely the book by HH Giriraja Swami entitled, Many Moons. It is noteworthy that three of the ‘‘Moons" of his book caused the greatest destruction to ISKCON—which was of course a wonderful thing so that together we can learn the art of renewal and rejuvenation, and with our eyes and ears fully attuned towards moving ahead and discovering ever newer and greater horizons of sense gratification.
Some of the heart-warming stories behind the stories in Many Moons are: Tamal Krishna Gurudeva broke up ISKCON by posing as a Zonal Acharya and then covered his tracks by becoming an award-winning college student who wrote a new manifesto for ISKCON that introduced mayavada as an official policy. Bhakti Tirtha Shrila Krishnapada kept devotees in Liberia during a revolution so that the entire group could be murdered wholesale and thus get liberated for their own eternal benefit. Swarupa Damodar Shrila Shripada dumped the Bhaktivedanta Institute so that he could take a group of dancing compatriots all over the world and lecture about world peace and thus inaugurate a new age of humanitarian consciousness with him as the leading prophet.
Giriraja himself also deserves much credit for his current article on Dandavats.com about sadhu sangha even though he lives with his personal female servants and rich paraphernalia in a millionaire's palace behind an iron gate (which keeps him protected from mental speculators like you).
MORE GAY GURUS NEEDED IN ISKCON! -- This article should follow Chakra's ongoing policy of open-mindedness, inclusiveness and compassion towards anything that walks and breathes. This article should give many examples of how male and female same sex married couples feel left out unless we vote in more gay gurus to perform their marriages and bless their loving relationships. Your article should give the examples of the wonderful contributions to ISKCON that have been made by earlier gurus of the third sex.
SATYA SAI BABA: GURU EXTRAORDINAIRE -- This should be a heart-warming piece which acts as a follow-up to the ISKCON News article in which the Afro-sporting Satya Sai Baba was recognized as a guru by the staunch liberals over at ISKCON News.
THOSE USELESS, DISPOSABLE DEVOTEES -- Remember that the editorial policy at HasyaMukhi.com will be one of strongly supporting our GBC (unless you'd like to become a candidate for total ex-communication). Our plan is to preach to the choir and therefore we do not need the contributions of any brain dead fault-finders. Rather, this article should demonstrate strong solidarity with long-term GBC policies of divesting the society of unwanted elements (viz, almost all Godbrothers and sisters) through the enactment of whimsical and inventive GBC laws that alienate the rank and file to the advantage of the mini-Maharajas in the Golden Boys Circle.
This article can be extended nearly ad infinitum, since it can have one chapter for each of the many thousands of Shrila Prabhupada's disciples who were ignominously hustled out the door for not worshipping the lotus feet of the chosen few. Contributors should also carefully show why it was absolutely necessary to kick out young devotee mothers who were forced into marriage and then left to mind the babies when their husbands abandoned them.
Please send your articles to HasyaMukhi.com. The best ones will be printed in the deluxe edition of the forthcoming GBC Collective Vyasa Puja Book. Remember to give generously.